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"You might be a redneck when you take a trip to the dump and bring back more than you took," is one redneck phrase that made comic, Jeff Foxworthy, famous. If I had to choose a topic to write about, I'd turn "redneck" into "menopause," and the phrases would go something like, "You might be in menopause when you spend more time rearranging the contents of your freezer than eating them, just to get a blast of cold air during a hot flash," or, "You might be in menopause when you discover that the local petting zoo's llama died, and you find yourself choking back tears, even though you didn't even know its name," or, "You might be in menopause when your body gives off enough heat during a hot flash to solve the world energy crisis." You get the picture. Similarly, you know you're at the Jasper County Public Library when you can check out the best new fiction titles around. Here are just a few of our newest to choose from.

It's been two years since Abbie Fox has seen her father, but a family crisis forces her to return to Nantucket, where her sisters, Lily and Emma, are struggling with losses of their own. As the summer wears on, each of the three sisters find themselves in unpredictable situations, undergoing personal transformations that may change their lives in "Beachcombers" by Nancy Thayer.

As a reporter for the Bergen County News, Chris Turley strives to live up to the legendary career of his father, Edward Turley, but never seems to make the grade. Everything changes for Chris, however, when an explosion rocks the building next door and Chris heroically saves five people from the burning building. Instant celebrity that he is, Chris receives an anonymous tip after the incident that leads him into a reporter's dream that quickly turns into a nightmare in "Down to the Wire" by David Rosenfelt.

You can't fool Mother Nature, and when Dr. Claus Rhumkorrf struggles with one experiment after another to replace failing human organs and tissue with that of animals, a process called xenotransplantation, he succeeds, only to regret it when his creation turns on him and society in general in "Ancestor" by Scott Sigler.

The dawn of a new day brings tragedy to the world of the Amish in "Pray for Silence." When the police are summoned to a small, quiet Amish family farm, they discover the horror of an entire family wiped out; brutally tortured and slain. With Kate Burkholder and Agent John Tomasetti investigating the case, one secret after another is revealed in this, the second book in the Kate Burkholder series by Linda Castillo.

Shep Knacker has plans for his nest egg. He thinks of this phase of his life as "The Afterlife," and when he sells his home repair business for a cool million bucks, he is ready to "get out of Dodge" and head for his dream retirement destination. His wife of twenty six years, Glynis, though has just returned from her doctor's appointment, and announces a medical condition that requires enough treatment that Shep's nest egg, as well as his plans for "The Afterlife" are irrevocably changed in "So Much for That" by Lionel Shriver.

If I had to choose one of the titles listed above to describe how I feel about menopause, it would have to be "So Much for That," and if you have to ask me why that is, "you might not be in menopause."

New Books From JCPL to Brighten a Dark and Stormy Night!

It was a dark and stormy night...it really WAS, and the satallite had bitten the dust because of the bad weather, so I went in search of something to read. Scary stories are the best for nights like this one, and I thought the perfect book to raise goosebumps would be "Dead After Dark" by Charlaine Harris. Opening it up, I looked forward to the vampire-biting, bloodcurdling thrill I would get from the story, and as I read on, I found myself amused more than scared, but in a surprisingly good way. Sookie Stackhouse, Harris's main character, is a cocktail waitress surrounded by vampires; some who are good-natured in a vampirish way, and some who live up to their reputation as vicious blood-hounds. This book, the first in the "Southern Vampire" series, has me hooked enough to read the next in the series, and here are some other new fiction titles at the Jasper County Library that can entertain during the next dark and stormy night.

Despite the trials that every marriage faces at one time or another, Tim Farnsworth and his wife Jane still share a strong bond. Farnsworth loves his wife, his daughter, his house, even his kitchen, with the copper pots and pans hanging above the kitchen's island. Why, then, does he decide one day to just walk out, and away from all he holds dear? "The Unnamed" by Joshua Ferris explores the ties of marriage and family and the forces of nature that interfere with the best laid plans of Tim Farnsworth.

Mama threw Daddy out of the house, and after she did, she made her two daughters, Lulu and Merry, promise never to let him back into her home again. When Daddy came calling, ten year old Lulu relented and opened up the door to him, only to have him kill her mother and stab her little five year old sister, Merry. "The Murderer's Daughters" by Randy Susan Meyers is the story of two little girls, orphaned by the death and subsequent imprisonment of their father, who grow into women and continue to carry the scars of their past, carving their lives in the shadow of the tragedy that always hovers in the distance.

United States Senator, Ellen Fisher is a Democrat, now in her second term. Going head to head with the Vice President over national security, Ellen and her staff find themselves under attack, the ensuing barrage of threats endangering not only their careers, but their very lives in "Blind Trust," book number 2 in the Senator Ellen Fisher series by Barbara Boxer.

Jack and Joy Griffin have been married for thirty years, and for the most part, the plan that they made on their Cape Cod honeymoon thirty years before has been fulfilled. Now, Jack returns to the Cape, this time for the wedding of his daughter's best friend, Laura. Carrying his father's ashes around in the trunk of his car, and yet another urn makes its way on this trip. Coupled with the fact that Jack and Joy have brought along new dates to the event, "That Old Cape Magic" by Richard Russo offers a comical and surprising look at life during middle age.

It is, yet again, a dark and stormy night, and the satellite has made a repeat performance of going AWOL, so I think I'll pick up my old friend Sookie Stackhouse and see what's happening in the world of vampires these days.

What is Your Idea of Adventure?

On a recent trip to the vet, a middle aged couple was wrapping up thier visit. With a large, Black Lab in tow on a leash trailing behind them, the husband and wife began to climb into their full size, extended cab pickup truck. Watching them from inside of the office, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw the front and back doors of the truck swing open with the woman climbing into the back seat, the man into the driver's seat, and the Black Lab into the front passenger seat of the truck. As they pulled out of the parking lot, that Black Lab sat proudly, facing forward, clearly enjoying his adventure. You'll find your own version of adventure by paging through these new fiction titles from the Jasper County Public Library. Check these out!

An act of violence so horrific against 8 year old Michael literally leaves the little boy speechless. As he grows, he comes into his own, discovering that he can open any lock, anywhere, any time. This special talent makes Michael a hot commodity and in high demand. When a simple heist turns into a nightmare, Michael's life falls apart, and he decides to go back home to find the one true love of his life, and face the horrible past that took his voice in "The Lock Artist" by Steve Hamilton.

George Flynn is a seventeen year old, all around decent guy who has just relocated, along with his family, to DesMoines. Befriending the Schell sisters, George has found his niche in his new hometown. Emily is a free spirited, aspiring actress, and Katie is full of humor and wit despite her battle with multiple sclerosis. When tragedy strikes and upsets the delicate balance of their lives, George has to find a way to step up to the plate and help them through in "Weeping Underwater Looks a Lot Like Laughter" by Michael J. White.

Bandy Dorner has just returned home from Vietnam, and discovers that his life is in a shambles. His pregnant wife is leaving him for another man, and within minutes, a cop lies bloodied in the road and Bandy is headed for prison. Eighteen years later when he is released, Bandy returns to the family ranch and meets the teenage son that he never got a chance to know, and following close behind is Bandy's ex-wife, Iona. All three are changed, haunted by their past, but try to put together the pieces of their lives in "Then Came the Evening" by Brian Hart.

The real estate market is tough, but gets tougher for Jackie Swaitkowski when a client of his turns up dead. The mystery surrounding the untimey demise of his client leaves Jackie in search of clues, leading him on a dangerously rocky ride in "Short Squeeze" by Chris Knopf.

This article is dedicated to my Bo, a part Lab pooch with a heart as big as all outdoors who decided after a 12 year reign as captain of my heart that it was time to move on to explore his very own adventures over the rainbow. He would've loved to sit on the front seat of my car on our excursions, but was hard pressed to sit in the passenger seat of my little Toyota. Thanks for the memories, Bo. You were one of a kind.

Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends at JCPL!

My friends and I have been together through thick and thin over a period of MANY years. We've seen just about everything and weathered many storms, as well as sharing just as many joys. Elbert Hubard said it best with, "A friend is someone who knows all about you, but likes you anyway." Something new happens, you call your friend. Something bad happens, you call your friend. Nothing at all happens, you still call your friend, just to touch base and see if anything good, bad, or nothing at all has happened with them. The scoop may be nothing at all, but there's still plenty to talk about. "Friends are the Bacon Bits in the salad bowl of life," are the words shared on a pizza place billboard. I love, Bacon Bits, don't you? If you love Bacon Bits as much as I do, you'll love to share these new fiction titles from JCPL with your friends!

For thirty five years, Frankie, Linda, Kath, Brett, and Ally have made it a habit to meet each Wednesday at a park near all of their homes. These five women come from all walks of life and on the surface, seem to have nothing in common. Brutally blunt Linda, timid Frankie, quiet Ally, Kentucky debutante Kath and ultra-intelligent Brett, however, share a bond that begins with literature and extends into every aspect of their lives in "The Wednesday Sisters" by Meg Waite Clayton.

Miranda thinks she has met the catch of the day when she meets Greg at a cocktail party. Gorgeous and funny, Greg is all Miranda could hope for, or is he? You could say that Greg is a phony, and you'd be right when you discover that he has just left his newly pregnant wife, who hasn't a clue what he's really up to in "Miranda's Big Mistake" by Jill Mansell.

Twelve year old Jillian Maxwell is the model child. With straight A's in school and college in her future, helpful with household chores, and obedient to a fault, Jillian seems perfect. But Jillian harbors a terrible secret; one that she's sure even her mother would blame her for if she were to find out, so she endures, hiding her pain and keeping it a secret. When the horrific details of her life begin to catch up with her, and her grades begin to slip and her personality begins to show signs of distress, fate steps in and her strength brings her to discover a powerful light within herself in "A Deep Dark Secret" by Kimberla Lawson Roby.

Kevin Curran has just about lost all hope that his youngest brother, Danny will shape up. With a life of crime and hard drug addiction ridding his past, Danny suddenly shows up on Kevin's doorstep, clean and sober. Offering Kevin a share in the Bloodroot Children's Hospital project he is working on brings Kevin in touch with an underworld of Mafia hit men and dangerous espionage in "Bloodroot" by Bill Loehfelm.

Without being sappy, I would like to salute my friendships with this Toni Morrison quote, "She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind." Yes, I love Bacon Bits, don't you?

Get Cookin' at JCPL With These New Nonfiction Titles!

Leisure time is rare at my house. That's why, on a lazy Saturday morning, a big country breakfast with all the greasy trimmings sounded scrumptious; and it was, but the after effects left my kitchen looking like a tornado had just zipped through, leaving nothing but bacon and egg stained pots, pans, and dishes in its wake. There will be plenty of time to clean up later, right? After all, today is all about leisure. Then the phone rang...and the spell was broken, because company was on the way, and SOON. Using an old trick of my grandma's, I piled the dirty dishes up and put them in the oven, zipping through the kitchen like a tornado myself, making it look as though breakfast never took place. Out of sight, out of mind; that phrase fits perfectly into this scenario, because, as you may have guessed, when it came time to cook something for dinner, I decided on something simple. A frozen pizza would be perfect, that is, until I preheated the oven and a funny smell filled the house. Believe me when I tell you, there is nothing like re-visiting the morning's leisurely breakfast by cooking the cookware that cooked the meal. Oh well, it's all history now; and if you like history and learning the intimate details of other people's lives, read on, because you won't want to miss "The Intimate Lives of the Founding Fathers" by Thomas Fleming.

This new nonfiction title at JCPL is a detailed history of our past presidents and other famous men in history, and offers a peek into the personal lives of past politicians and the skeletons that live in their closets. Covering everything from Benjamin Franklin's abandoment of his wife to flirt with Parisian madams to Alexander Hamilton's adulterous affair to the women in their lives, this well researched, engrossing and entertaining look at our forefathers is not only a page-turner, but an eye-opener as well. Read on for more new nonfiction!

Arriving at his military base in Afghanistan, Navy Reservist Mark Feffer finds an unexpected guest. Cinnamon, a mixed breed puppy, has chosen the base as her new home. Deciding to keep her and take her home to America at the end of his tour, Mark finds a dog handler who promises to care for her. When Feffer discovers that Cinnamon was abandoned at the airport, he enlists the help of family and friends in an all out effort to find the missing pooch in "Saving Cinnamon" by Christine Sullivan. This heartwarming story of determination, compassion and hope will prove that love does conquer all, and is, in fact, the most powerful force on the planet.

Hopping in his chariot of choice, a black London cab, Stephen Fry journeys through the land he is the most fascinated with; America. From sea to shining sea, he discovers the huge diversity that makes our country great, zigzagging through each state and taking glimpses along the way of small town life and big city glitz and glamour, loving every second of the magnificent, eccentric, beautiful and strange America in "Stephen Fry in America" by Stephen Fry.

The legacy of Henrietta Lacks lives on through the magic and miracle of medical science. In 1951 at the age of 30, Henrietta was stricken with, and died from, an aggressive form of cancer. Without her knowledge or the consent of Henrietta or her family, a sample of the cancerous tissue was taken from Henrietta and used by science to experiment with the cells, giving scientists a building block for medical breakthroughs, one of which was the cure for polio. In "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks," Rebecca Skloot gathers details of Henrietta's life and death, offering the truth to her family members through this haunting and moving story of one woman's contribution to the world of medicine.

A loving husband, two great kids, and a writing career should make for a happy enough life for Gretchen Rubin. She, however, has decided to take on the "happiness project," and by doing this, intends to increase her happiness quotient in every aspect of her life within a year's time. "The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun" by Gretchen Rubin is an inspirational guide full of wise tips and concrete advice for a more fulfulling, balanced life.

Here's what happened: Grandma had the best hiding place in the world for her dirty dishes, but Grandma also had a better memory than me. Just goes to show, when it comes to cooking 101, you can kiss the cook, cook with gas, cook your goose, or as W.C. Fields says, "I cook with wine, and sometimes I even add it to the food." All these are okay, but take my advice: Never, ever cook the cookware that you intend to cook with when you cook another meal. Do something safe instead, like read a good book from JCPL.

There are lots of dangerous jobs out there. Police officers, firefighters, military personnel; all of these folks could be in physical peril on any given day. Protective gear helps; but when your chosen profession is babysitting, there is no protective gear. Your best source of protection is thinking fast on your feet, because, as cute as toddlers and little children are, their bodies are all elbows and knees, and they move at the speed of light, usually in an unexpected burst of energy. Take, for example, zipping up a toddler's coat. You're bent over, concentrating on the task at hand, and in a split second, your tongue is on fire becuase you didn't have protective gear around your open mouth, and, for whatever reason, the child decided to use that moment to test the springs on the bottoms of their feet and take a flying leap straight up into the air. Your tongue just got in the way of "friendly fire." It is an occupational hazard. Next time a coat needs to be zipped, or your mouth is in close proximity to a leaping three year old, your tongue should also be zipped up. At the end of the day, the best way to cure whatever ails you is to pick up a good book, and put your feet up. At the Jasper County Public Library, we have just the prescription you need in these new fiction titles.

In "The Brutal Telling" by Louise Penny, secrets are revealed and chaos reigns supreme in Three Pines when a stranger is found murdered in the village bistro. Could the beloved bistro owner, Olivier, be responsible in some way for the brutal murder? Frantically trying to outrun the clues as the investigation closes in, time is running out for Olivier and the little village of Three Pines must brace itself for the ugly truth, in this the fifth installment of the Chief Inspector Armand Gamache series.

In a time when the truth of one financial debacle after another finds its way into the headlines, best selling author, James Grippando has captured the essence of the destruction of financial institutions in his newest novel featuring thirty one year old Michael Cantella. Michael is a rising star at Wall Street's premier investment bank, Saxton Silvers. In an instant, however, his world is turned upside down when the love of his life, Ivy Layton, disappears on their honeymoon in the Bahamas. Four years later, after rebuilding his life, Michael logs onto his computer to check his investments only to find his assets liquidated, along with the message, "Just as planned," xoxo. Could the key to this financial debacle be the missing Ivy? Find out in "Money to Burn" by James Grippando.

As a self made "Master of the Universe," Adam March has it all; high powered job, beautiful wife, and a glamorous circle of friends. When a painful past comes calling, Adam's world begins to crumble, and he loses everything; his job, his wife, and the life he's worked so hard to build. Working in a soup kitchen to complete community service, Adam meets Chance, a pit bull bred to fight. As the lives of man and dog intersect, both discover the amazing power behind the man/dog relationship, saving one another in the most unexpected of ways in "One Good Dog" by Susan Wilson.

Meg Wynne Thompson is a self made beauty, and a most unpopular bride. When she turns up dead on her wedding day, the local manicurist, Penny Brannigan, vows to find the killer, and discovers that several people, some on the bride's guest list, were gunning for Meg. Will the trail go cold, or will Penny catch the killer? Find out in "The Cold Light of Mourning" by Elizabeth J. Duncan.

Physical peril; yes, danger lurks around the bend every day. Zipping up coats, changing diapers, and getting in close enough proximity to that little bundle of joy with an uncontrollable desire to take flight at the most unexpected of moments are all potentials for physical peril; and if you don't believe me, just ask my tongue.

New Nonfiction at JCPL Will Cure Whatever "Bugs" You!

Out of the over 5,000 species of ladybugs in the world, I'm pretty sure that at least half of those are nesting somewhere in my house. They must've patiently and quietly hibernated all winter long, just waiting to make their "great escape," and are now literally crawling out of the woodwork. Seems that the magic number for the awakening of these spotted beetles is 55 degrees Fahrenheit, and with the spring-like temperatures this week, they're out in droves. One little known fact about these helpful garden creatures is that they can actually "play dead," and as I sweep, vacuum and corral them into the trash, I wonder if they'll come back to haunt me after I think I've permanently disposed of them. Their diet consists of other small insects, most of which can be found in the garden, but not in the HOUSE, and therein lies my confusion as to why these little critters have set up housekeeping within my four walls. One of the major problems that I have with these insects is their rancid odor, which is, believe it or not, a product of stress. Yes, ladybugs suffer from stress; another little known fact. But the big question is: Do they marry? If they do, being "ladybugs," they may benefit from reading, "Have a New Husband by Friday: How to Change His Attitude, Behavior, and Communication in 5 Days" by Kevin Leman. In this easy to follow, common sense guide, the author helps wives to interpret the behavior of their husbands, offering much needed advice for the frustrated, encouraging women from all walks of life with feedback on how to deal with the clueless husband who just needs a gentle nudge to become a better partner.

Read on for more informative, up to date, nonfiction titles from JCPL!

Anger can be a productive emotion when approached honestly and realistically. Sometimes the fuel from repressed anger can be counterproductive and unhealthy for us, and women in particular sometimes need a little guidance in dealing with angry feelings. From bad relationships to difficulties with parents, friends and partners, anger can linger, hurting, instead of helping the situation. "Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger" by Gregory Jantz offers a compassionate look at anger control, helping readers to face the issues that burden them, thereby giving them the release they need to move beyond the anger that is controlling them and live the life they were meant to live.

We've all heard of shoplifting, robbery and theft; all of which can become obsessions for those who have the tendency to take something that doesn't belong to them. Fixations over owning the skulls of the highly talented and famous, however, is an obsession that is new to me, and one that only those who feel the need to rob the graves of others can understand. "Cranioklepty: Grave Robbing and the Search for Genius" by Colin Dickey offers a glimpse of grave robbers who target and steal the craniums of the famous individuals of our time; Beethovan, Swedish mystic Emanuel Swedenborg, artist Francisco Goya, and others, specifically to sell, study, or put them on public display. This bizarre tradition was triggered by the "Gall" system, created in the late 18th century by Franz Joseph Gall, whose theory that the bumps and dents of the skull would offer clues as to the genius or intelligence of the owner.

Speaking of intelligence, if ladybugs are intelligent enough to know how to ward off predators by releasing the rancid odor they're known for, then, I ask you, why are they not intelligent enough to know when they have worn out their welcome, as I bid them a not so fond adieu with the hopeful phrase, "Ladybug, ladybug, fly away HOME," adding, for extra emphasis, "to YOUR home, not mine!"